How can you lead a person who doesn't trust you? 

You can't, right? 

To be able to lead someone, to be able to influence them, you have to build a relationship with that person, and they have to trust you. 

The better the relationship, the higher the trust, the more likely they are to follow, and the more you can influence them. 

Now, if you just inherited a new team, you're starting out at the beginning of a relationship with relatively low trust. And that goes for each individual on the team. 

The single most effective way I have found to deepen relationships and build trust is the weekly one-on-one meeting with every direct report. 

Why is the weekly one-on-one so powerful? 

According to Gallup, employees who have regular one-on-one meetings with their managers are nearly three times as likely to be engaged as those who don’t.

In his book, The Effective Manager, Mark Horstman cites decades of data showing that the single most effective behavior a manager can engage in is building relationships with their direct reports. And the fastest, most reliable way to build those relationships is through weekly one-on-ones.

I have conducted thousands of these meetings with my direct reports. I’ve heard stories about kids’ baseball games, new babies on the way, and parents battling illness. 

I’ve celebrated promotions, listened to their frustrations, and sat with people in grief. Many times, tears have been shed on both sides of the conversation.

These moments weren’t “off topic.” When someone shares their real life with you, they’re showing vulnerability. 

And when you respond with care and vulnerability, you’re building loyalty and commitment that no bonus or perk of the job can match.

In addition to trust building, this is the best method for maintaining clarity and alignment with every person on your team. 

Think about it, you get to make little course corrections every week. It's an opportunity for your direct report to ask clarifying questions. And it's a good time for you to share any new information that you've gained since the last time you met. 

This is exactly how I run one-on-ones. 

First, pre-schedule all of these meetings. Make them recurring on the calendar. We want the direct report to know they can count on this time with you every week. 

You're going to need to protect this time on the calendar. Don't cancel these. Don't move them around. Protecting this time demonstrates respect to your direct report. It shows them that you value their time. 

Next, schedule the meeting for 30 minutes. Not 60, not 15. Thirty minutes is the optimal amount of time for this meeting. 

Next, this is a weekly meeting. Not bi-weekly. Research has shown the benefits of this meeting drop way off when you only do it every two weeks. 

And imagine, In the rare case that the meeting does need to get canceled, now you're only meeting once in that month. 

And finally, the direct report owns the agenda. I actually write in the meeting invite, “This is your time. You can use it however you like.”

Some people like structure, others prefer more of a free-form discussion. I've always found that the direct and I quickly adopt a routine that works well for both of us. 

The routine ends up being unique for that individual, meaning my one-on-ones look different from one person to the next. That's a good thing!

Here are some common pitfalls to avoid. 

First, turning them into status dumps. If all you do is march through a project list, you’ve missed the point. Your direct is likely to want to provide some updates on the work they're doing, and that's fine, but keep the 1:1 largely focused on the relationship and how you can best help them.

Next, canceling and rescheduling frequently. You’re busy. I get it! But when you cancel, the message is “you’re not important.” Treat these one-on-ones as sacred. I make it clear that these are the most important meetings on my calendar. 

Next, taking control of the agenda. Remember the direct report owns the agenda. If you require them to send you an agenda in advance or if you insert your own agenda at the beginning of the one-on-one, you have now taken ownership of the agenda and have killed the trust-building opportunity. 

I sure hope I've convinced you how important these one-on-ones are. 

The pre-scheduled, 30-minute, weekly one-on-one with every direct report is the single most important trust-building routine you can put in place with your new team.

This is where you build real relationships. Where you learn what your people care about. Where you catch risks long before they blow up. Where you align, coach, and celebrate with your team.

This is the foundation for empowering your team and enabling them to make decisions and take action without you being involved in every step. 

Wishing you the best!

Jeff

P.S. If you recently inherited a new team and you want help getting this transition right without burning out, micromanaging, or learning everything the hard way, book a complimentary call with me. We’ll talk through your current situation, your biggest challenges, and what success looks like for you and your team. I’ll get you pointed in the right direction.

Right now, I’m taking all these calls myself so grab time while there are openings on the calendar. Use this link to schedule that call.